I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
