So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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