I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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