Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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