So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
