i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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