I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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