Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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