Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize