WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
