i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize