I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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