You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
