Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
