It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Boobs are out for the taking
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
