I love black thongs
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
