I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
