I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
