just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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