And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
