Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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