M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
