I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
