in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
