I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
