Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
