there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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