Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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