Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
