Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
