I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
