I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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