something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
