Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
