Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Found your dick twin last night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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