I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
