dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
