are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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