best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
