Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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