am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
