Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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