Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
