just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
