Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
