Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize