First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
