You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
