I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
