My first STD was from a foam party
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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