Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
