im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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