She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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