Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't deserve a penis
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize