So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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