I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
