She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize