Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize