Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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