I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
