I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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