I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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