Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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