How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
