Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
