Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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