nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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