so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
