Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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