my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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