Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
