she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
