since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
