Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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