I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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