I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
