How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
