I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
