Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize