So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
