I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
