I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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