and my herpes radar will keep us safe
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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