Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Who did Billy Mays play for?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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