Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
