I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
