I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
