I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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