After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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