My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
