his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
