it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
