i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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