I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
