The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
