i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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