Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
